Write me a love song

I have dabbled writing Ghazals from time to time.  A few times I had written in my mother tongue Assamese ( Axomiya) first and then translated to English.  I found that to be extremely difficult. Comparatively it is much easier ( but still difficult than writing a free format poem) to write directly in English.  In end of July i had written one in Assamese and then had translated that to Bengali.  I was trying to translate that to English and finished it today.  I am not sure if I did justice to the translation. It proved to be formidable challenge to keep the feeling intact while sticking to the rules of Ghazal.  I will leave it to the readers to judge.

I am attaching both the Assamese and Bengali versions here with the hope that some reader conversant on both ( or one) languages and English will be able to offer constructive criticism. 

Long ago asked me to write only love songs
Stories of dreamland and colorful golden nights’ love songs

Today I see darkness all around, cloud laden sky
Your wish my desire, still struggle penning love songs

Where did magic of Scheherazade’s thousand nights’ mystique vanish
Dazzlingly sparkling pearls, golden threaded necklaces of love songs

Memories of that lost evening still haunts my mind
Fingers caressing your dark tresses lovingly wrote love songs

Waves of your windswept hairs painted by setting sun
Lost myself in your curls listening to love songs

Fingers stiff, wonder why flounder today writing love songs
Reminisce golden evenings past, searching for lost love songs

কত আজি হেৰাল প্ৰেমৰ কবিতা

কৈছিলা তুমি এদিন লিখিব লাগে হেনো মাথোঁ প্ৰেমৰ কবিতা
সপোন পুৰীৰ সাধুৰে ভৰা ৰঙীন সোনালী সন্ধিয়াৰ প্ৰেমৰ কবিতা

মই দেখোন চৌদিশে দেখো আজি অন্ধকাৰ আকাশ, ডাৱৰে আৱৰা
ৰাখিব খুজিও মই তোমাৰ অনুৰোধ, নোৱাৰো লিখিব প্ৰেমৰ কবিতা

কত বাৰু আজি হেৰাল শেহৰজাদীৰ হাজাৰ নিশাৰ মায়াবী সাধু
সোণালী সূতাৰে গঠা জিলমিলিয়া মুকুতাৰ মালাৰ মোহনীয় প্ৰেমৰ কবিতা

মনৰ চকুত ভাঁহি উঠে মোৰ হেৰাই যোৱা সেই সন্ধিয়া
তোমাৰ কাজল কলা চুলিত আঙুলি বুলাই ৰচিছিলো প্ৰেমৰ কবিতা

বতাহে আমনি কৰা তোমাৰ চুলিৰ লহৰত হেঙুলীয়া বেলিৰ লুকাভাকু
নিজকে হেৰাই মই কাণ পাতি শুনিছিলো যাদুকৰী প্ৰেমৰ কবিতা

আজি কিয় মোৰ আঙুলি জঠৰ, নোৱাৰো লিখিব প্ৰেমৰ কবিতা
মন হেৰাই যায় অতীতৰ সোনালী সন্ধিয়াত, বিচাৰি প্ৰেমৰ কবিতা

কোথায় হারালো আজ প্রেমের কবিতা

বলেছিলে একদিন তুমি লিখি যেন আমি শুধু প্রেমের কবিতা
স্বপ্নলোকের রূপকথার যাদু ভরা রঙ্গিন সোনালী সন্ধ্যার প্রেমের কবিতা

আমিতো চৌদিশে দেখি আজ আকাশ অন্ধকার, কালো মেঘে ঢাকা
চাই যদিও রাখতে তোমার অনুরোধ, লিখিতে পারিনা প্রেমের কবিতা

কোথায় দেখি হারালো আজ শেহরজাদীর মায়াবী রাতের হাজার গল্প
সোনালী সূতোয় গাঠা রূপোলী মুক্তোর মন ভূলানো প্রেমের কবিতা

মনের মাঝে ভেসে ওঠে আমার হারিয়ে যাওয়া সেই সন্ধ্যা
তোমার কাজল কালো চুলে আঙুল বুলিয়ে লিখেছিলাম প্রেমের কবিতা

বাতাসে উড়িয়ে নেওয়া তোমার কেশর লহরে অস্তগামী সূর্যের লুকোচুরি
হারিয়ে আমাকে শুনেছিলাম সেদিন আমি শুধু মায়াভরা প্রেমের কবিতা

আজ কেন জঠর আঙ্গুল আমার, পারিনা লিখিতে প্রেমের কবিতা
মন হারায় অতীতের সোনালী সন্ধ্যায়, খুজি আমি প্রেমের কবিতা

Author: pranabaxom

Poetry is my passion. I am not a methodical writer. I have no set topics to write about. What I feel, perceive, think about, I will like to share in this blog. I open my mind to the world. Like the weather, sometimes my poems are cloudy, sometimes stormy. I always like to see sunshine streaming through the leaves of trees, so I hope I can share some of those sunshine with my readers.

21 thoughts on “Write me a love song”

  1. Your poem reads very abstract and in our opinion it is ok. If we understood the other dialects and were able to read we could potentially spot the differences and be able to offer more constructive feedback.

    We enjoyed your love song.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Even if it isn’t a faithful ‘translation’ it’s a lovely adaptation, which is all poetry can ever do. A literal translation would be like all literal translations, as if a machine had written the poem. Just a question about the rhyme. Is it optional, or did you decide that trying to adapt and rhyme took the sense too far away from the original? In English there is a rhyme on the word preceding the refrain.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. 😂😂😂
        As I translate my own poems in four languages (English/Assamese /Hindi/Bengali), I can say from my own experience that translation is harder than writing. Out of the four, Hindi is my weakest but sometimes some thoughts come only in a particular language. I do not know why. Luckily I have a few good friends who point out corrections needed to be made to my Hindi poems before posting.
        Editing is the executioner of passion but a necessary evil.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi! I can only comment on your English, since I know only the “wrong” words in Bangla (besides the very obvious aamhi tomake bhaalo bhashi), and I really like it! I know how difficult it is to translate – my Hindi is also way distant from perfect – so I find it best to stay true to the feeling (more than the meaning) and not try to force fit rhyme & metre. But like I said, the English one reads very very nicely to me!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I agree Pranab, translation from vernacular to any other language may take away the spirit of the poem. So it is better to re-write the same thought again. Since I don’t know Assamese, I could only read the English version, which beautifully captures the yearning.
    In the first line, ‘you’ is missing though it is understood but I feel it should be there.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much.
      I know about the missing you, but adding that alters the wotd count in each line. So decided not to use it.
      You are right about starting over from scratch. Translation is hard.

      Liked by 1 person

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