[I wrote this poem over a span of one month. As the poem is long , I shall post it in parts every Friday. It’s a poem about love but some may find the content semi-erotic. Lest their finer senses be disturbed, be aware and proceed at your own risk.]
Link to the previous part : https://wp.me/p73yZZ-4lh
Part I
You came!
It’s been ages since you left,
And all I could do was wonder,
What went wrong?
Spent days and night,
Seeking an answer,
What took you so long?[1]
Time has left its mark,
My cataract eyes unfocused,
Let me get my glasses,
Let me get an eyeful,
And ascertain,
The image that I have,
Is the same.[2]
What, forget my glasses,
Keep my eyes shut?
Then let me feel you,
The way I felt you,
An eon ago,
On that sun-lit meadow,
Under the trees.[3]
Let me touch your lips,
Does it still quiver,
And speak without speaking,
The meanings of
Your unspoken words,
Rushing through my veins,
Radiating warmth
During nights of
The coldest moon.[4]
[November 25, 2020]
© Pranabendra Sarma, 2021
Fleeting Muse 
I love the anticipation build up!
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Thank you so much Ritu.
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Two things that jarred for me, out of keeping with the general tone of the poem:
‘let me get an eyeful’. Sounds crude and too idiomatic to me, especially followed by a non-conversational word like ascertain.
‘let me feel you’ Touch is a verb that’s not as loaded as ‘feel’ which has ribald connotations.
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Jane, Thank you so much for your comment/s.
I will have to go back and edit the poem again after all the stanzas were posted and comments received.
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. Really appreciate. Hope you read the subsequent parts and comment.
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I hope you don’t mind me saying what occurs to me at first reading. In the light of the entire poem, I might well change my mind. It’s impossible to judge the tone of the poem on a single stanza. We’ll see.
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If I would have mind then why would have asked for it.
I personally value honest opinions more than the emojis.
Without honest opinions / constructive criticisms how can one improve.
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I’m honoured to have your trust then. An honest opinion is all well and good, but you have to accept that it’s an opinion worth having. I like to think of it as another way of seeing the same emotion, another way of phrasing the same idea. If it helps to open our minds to another possibility it’s been a helpful suggestion.
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Absolutely.
As I said in my introduction I found it difficult to sit and write for a long time on one theme. Along with my mind, my concentration would digress and what I thought when I sat down to write may come out differently.
That I could complete this, I consider it as achievement (personal).
Will I need to revisit and edit? I must.
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Yes, it’s the same with writing a novel. It meanders and departs from the original idea. You have to go back and revise, redirect.
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😀 That’s why staying away from writing novel.
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🙂
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Desirous and longing well depicted
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Thank you so much friend.
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My pleasure
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