She wants to live

The idea that germinated as a short story became a poem because of my inability to sit still for a long time to write a story. While the words just flow for a poem, I stumble in writing a story. I realized the poem became long. My apologies.

Her name is not important, a Jane Doe will do
At times she was called by various names
Sweetie pie, princes, baby, love, and whore,
Wife, darling, honey, dear and many more
But never by the name
She would most like to hear
Mama, Ma, Mammy , Mother bear

Now as she sees her life slowly slipping away
Events flashing by in warp speed
From life comfortable to a life in hell
She can only wonder what could have been
As tears roll down her cheeks
Papers strewn around the table mocks her
Her gaze fixes on a photo, a face she knew so well

A face from a not too distant past
A past she had tried hard to erase
A life left behind eons ago
Calling out to her, redemption or mirage

It was raining on that fateful night
As it is raining tonight
She did not even had a chance
To have one look at the face
That she carried hidden for nine months
Never did she even once gazed

It was left at God’s doorstep,
Stillborn, her mother had said
All for the better, she was told
Away they went as far as they could
The memories, the bonds, all that left behind
To a new place, a new life to be built

Everything will be all right in time
Forget and forgive, she was told
But it was not to be so
Peace had deserted her, sleep pipe dream
Her past not forgotten, memories grim

One man of God had taken her innocence
Before she even knew what consent mean
Her body was possessed
And when the fun was over
Discarded as sinner with a growing sin

Sinner, she was told
Confess and ask for redemption
And all will be forgiven
Confess what, confess to whom
Confused, she sought solace
Betrayed again, she found out soon

Another man of God had possessed her brain
Filling her head with filth and hatred
It’s a war between good and evil
She was told
It’s between us and them
Be a soldier, fight the good war
Hear the bell ringing for you
At the door of heaven

Inside she was dying slowly
Punishment for her sin
Her husband admonishes
Man of God is he
Bone marrow match she can’t have
The match is from one,
Of different faith is she

The face covered in hijab in the photo
She is looking at her when she was a teen
A life once thrown away to hide her sin
A lifeline from a daughter to mother unseen
She will live, her urge to be called mother keen

One last time she looked around the place
She calls home before stepping out the door
Once long ago, the rains, she prayed
To wash away her bodily sins
Today she welcomed the rains
To purify her heart
And remove the filth from her brain

Thou shall not steal, she reminded herself
She will not seek what was not hers to keep
She had given her life once and it’s being returned
Blessed is she because she knows she is a mother
She will live now that she knows she has a daughter

Author: pranabaxom

Poetry is my passion. I am not a methodical writer. I have no set topics to write about. What I feel, perceive, think about, I will like to share in this blog. I open my mind to the world. Like the weather, sometimes my poems are cloudy, sometimes stormy. I always like to see sunshine streaming through the leaves of trees, so I hope I can share some of those sunshine with my readers.

10 thoughts on “She wants to live”

    1. Thank you. It started as a short story in my mind (with names and all), completed more than couple of weeks back(again in my mind) but never got written(as a story). Couple of stanzas I wrote as a part of a poem and then forgot. While I was driving back home after running some errands, everything fell in place and before I got distracted again, just set down, wrote and posted.

      Liked by 3 people

  1. good poem….and it does seem we’re in a war….that men have turned against women and women constantly feel the need to turn love into hatred….after so long being cursed.

    Liked by 1 person

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