I have not changed

I have not changed
I learned to live
With a long list
Of unachieved goals
Ghost of accepting
The inevitable
Things that I can’t change
Does not faze me now
Hiding behind a mask
Of my own making
Tolerating unseen pain
Is no longer acceptable
I am free of the shadows
Lurking behind the veil
Not defeated
My soul is free
Garbage of the past
Forward to future
I have not changed



Choice to have a slow death
Lingering pain slowly sucking away
My last breath
While you rejoice
At the beauty of your lying creation
Of giving  everybody a free choice
You made sure that giving me
A choice I neither asked nor wanted
You and your cronies
Living in an alternate universe
Will line your pockets with riches
While I count my days
Burdened by your fake choices

Let me go in peace

Grant me the wish
To go in peace
To go in one piece
Not fragmented by
The hatred of
The mercenaries
Neither do I wish
To grow old such
That all pains are mine
And the doctors rich
Let me be in peace
If these old organs
No benefit to the living
Through me in the ocean
In death may
I be useful
If not to humans
Atleast to someone
Who will enjoy my taste



Disclaimer: Complete work of fiction, character in the poem does not have any resemblance to any known human being.

Wimp, you are a wimp, the bullies yell
If they would have known the hell
My entire life that I am going through
Probably they would not be yelling though

Why do I never pick up a fight
I am not afraid to stand up for my rights
Made promise to my mother that I have to keep
Please do not pick up a fight and make me weep

When all I have to do is push back and yell
Imagine my pain with what I have to deal
Mortified that I have to bear all the insults
Pray to God that I can face the results

Whimsical I am not, I am thoughtful
In my own world I remain blissful
Mad at myself, with every insult I silently weep
Please, now that you know, don’t call me a wimp

Week 13 of My Fifty Two Weeks Journey with “W”

Write Anything Wednesday 4-27-2016

Love, Broken Hearts and Remedies

I am not an expert on any of the above three.  Never had the time and luxury to fall in love before marriage and may be I was not that attractive to the opposite sex to fall in love with me anyway.  I am glad that I did not fall, because it must be painful from all the broken heart posts that I have been reading recently. Hey, if you fall you are going to hurt yourself. If you hurt yourself, it is going to be painful. What’s so unique about that. So why all these sob stories. Now let me confess that never having Biology as a subject during my schooldays, I am completely ignorant if a heart can break or not if you fall.  I do know as part of my general knowledge that heart is a muscle and that too the largest or one of the largest muscles in the body.  I also know that muscles can be extended or torn with severe pain as a result.  But can they break as compared to bones? A fall few years back resulted in a broken bone in my right hand ( later I came to know that it was the humerus bone), the end result of which was severe pain, immobility and physical therapy for several months. So I am well acquainted with pain  due to fall and thank God that I did not fall in love. I can now legitimately call myself an expert in fall, broken bones and resulting pain. But falling in love and breaking one’s heart? Hmmm!

My better half occasionally says that I am heartless, you may have guessed the circumstances when it would be said. I have learnt my lessons early on not to oppose that statement.  With time I was convinced that I must not have had a heart. Otherwise, if I had a heart, why didn’t I fall in love and experienced the pain of heartbreak. Everybody else that I knew had at least one sob story of a heartbreak and associated pains. Of course all these stories normally come out after a few drinks and well away from the earshot of their spouses. So I had always taken them with a grain of salt. I always used to consider myself as the lucky one as I didn’t have to go through that pain and suffering.  But my good days were not going to continue for long. During regular yearly physical examinations a few years back, my doctor cautioned me that if I do not exercise caution in my indulgence of the good things in life, I am going to end up with a heart attack soon.  What, me? The guy who is heartless? How can I have a heart attack? Why does good tidings have to come with bad omen? Now I know that I have a heart, as vouched for by my doctor who has a M.D. from a reputed medical school, but also warned that I may have a heart attack. So I may feel the pain without ever falling in love. What absurdity! Life’s not fair indeed.  On the sunny side, whenever my better half now says I am heartless, I tell proudly, “you are not a doctor, I do have a heart”. Of course, before I say that I make sure that my exit route is clear. It’s never wise to back up to a corner.

Now that I have established that I have a heart and I am a legitimate expert in fall and pain, it behooves me all the more to explore the subject matter of this post. All the people can’t be wrong that falling in love can result in heartbreak and significant pain. What are the remedies? It can be like those whose only remedy for birth control is abstinence. But how can that be a remedy. Because if you don’t fall, then you don’t break and don’t need any remedy. What will happen to all the heart doctors and therapists? I do not want to be accused of creating unemployment.  Just imagine all the miseries created by heartbreaks, all the drinks that are sold to soothe broken hearts and the resulting medical bills, all the poems penned by lovelorn poets, all the romantic movies with happy and sad endings and millions and millions of hours lost wallowing in heartbroken miseries . I shudder to think of the repercussions of prescribing abstinence. It will be an upheaval. Good lord! I will be pro choice rather than pro life in this case. Yes, more choice to all those who want to fall in love. You can fall in love as many times as you can but do not seek your remedy in drinks when you break your heart as advised by my friend Duc Nguyen-I Do And I Don’t Think I Do . I will rather pay heed to the comment of Doc Flamingo to that post. Now don’t get me wrong. I love Duc’s poetry, it is that I have an aversion to addiction. Too much of a good thing including love and drinks can also be addictive and that’s what scares me. Then what is the remedy? Well, it is said that the antidote to snake bite is snake venom.  So antidote to love must be love.  Love, love and more love. My good friend, Paul runs a blog on Love Talk.  I should ask him for expert advice as I have already confessed I am not an expert. But I have experienced pain of falling and I do not want anybody to experience pain of falling in love, subsequent heartbreak  and associated misery. As Jacqueline said in one of her recent posts,acookingpotandtwistedtales , “Life lived dancing to the tunes of misery wears out the soul living it”, it does one no good to wallow on the misery of heartbreak. So here is my remedy. Go out to the world, open your heart to the world, spread your love and let love heal your wound and fix your broken hearts as I advocated in my poem Broken Heart today.

The idea of this post came today morning for a post for Saturday Six Minute Challenge sponsored by Writerish Ramblings. It became much longer than six minutes as I crossed a small milestone today. I was notified that I have now 200 followers, 201 to be precise. I thought that to celebrate I need to post something more substantive than six minutes rambling. This is the result. Hope my readers’ love or lack thereof does not result in a heartbreak for me, as my remedy is not yet field tested or FDA approved.